Anticipation

Have you ever been excited, but not entirely sure why? It's kind of a weird feeling. I've been up since 4am. My 2 year old woke me up, but I couldn't seem to fall back asleep like I usually do. Probably because I had another dream. I've been having them for a week or two now. Lots and lots of dreams. God is trying to communicate with me about something- what I'm not entirely sure.

After trying for over an hour to go back to sleep this morning, it occurred to me that maybe I should get out of bed and pray. (Not sure why it took an entire hour for that idea to hit me :) Lord, forgive me... I'm a little slow sometimes usually.

I have been a little burdened over the past month. Just different stuff piling up in my spirit. Stuff I was developing grudges over, stuff I was sad about, stuff I wish I could fix... I had managed to get a pretty stinky attitude over all that STUFF. I was still doing my "usual" Bible reading and praying each day, but I needed what I like to call a "soul recalibration". :) So I went to embassyinstitute.org and resumed watching some seminars. It had been awhile since I'd been on. I can't even describe how grateful I am for the IBLP ministry. My attitude took a shift almost immediately. The washing of the water by the Word has a potent effect!

You know, whenever God wants to tell us something or do something with us... Satan seems to show up out of nowhere and start attacking us. I should have known. I should have figured with all the crummy stuff happening with me that it was just the enemy trying to distract me from something awesome God has planned!

I watched a talk from Doug Small about the road to Bethlehem. Each time I recall the things he said my insight seems to deepen a little more. He began to explain how difficult life must have been for Mary- explaining to her father she was pregnant... thinking she may be stoned since her betrothed was about to break things off and she wouldn't even have a husband... having to travel on a donkey at nine months pregnant! (I can't EVEN imagine!!!)

You know, we have heard the Christmas story SO many times and we have SO many preconceived notions and mental images set in place regarding it. We just picture Mary with a contented smile on her face as Joseph says, "It's okay that there's no room at the inn... this is God's plan anyway- for you to give birth in a stable. It's going to make the cutest little nativity scene! I know you may be a little uncomfortable during your labor tonight honey- but don't you worry. It's all gonna be worth it- because we're gonna be famous!"

Lol. Yeah... let's get real. That is probably not even close to what they were thinking! Unlike us, they had never heard the Christmas story. :) The Scripture doesn't say that Mary knew she needed to go give birth in Bethlehem in order to fulfill some old prophecy. She was probably thinking, "You are kidding me! I can't travel like this! I sure hope this baby doesn't come until we get back home!" 

Think about it. Have you ever experienced things continually going so "wrong" in your life... and you just keep trusting God even though you are completely backed into a corner... only to discover you have backed right into God's will?

So often, that is how God does it. We are so incredibly close to the pain and the sweat and the uncertainty... that we can't see the big elaborate plan God is accomplishing in us at that moment.

I don't know what God's doing exactly right now, but I get goose bumps just thinking about it! Satan has been working so hard... so that gives me a little clue that what God's got planned is pretty cool. :)


I'm feeling renewed... I'm feeling anticipation... and I'm ready to get God's attention and let Him know I'm ready and waiting. :)